Counterfeit Cops. A Play By Zach Tipton.

this is a play no one will perform that is an exaggeration of a situation that happened to us the day after the phoenix show. some dialogue never occurred.


Adam: (dark, hairy, bearded man in his low to mid 20's)
Zach: (pale, skinny, bearded man in his low to mid 20's...sexy)
Cop 1: (short, pudgy white man in his late 40's)
Cop 2: (tall, african american with a stern demeanor in his mid 30's)
Cop 3: (medium height, mustached, sarcastic in his early 40's)


Adam: boxers. (must be comfortable with near nudity)
Zach: gym shorts, no underwear, glasses.
Cops 1-3: uniforms that fit accordingly.


~a 2001 Chevy Cavalier


Phoenix, AZ. Early morning hours. Sunny. Dumpy Motel 6.

knocking at the door. silence. louder knocking on the door.

Adam: (sleepy) Zach, wake up.
Zach: ugh...no.
Adam: Someone's at the door.
Zach: Fuck you.
LOUD knocking.
(Zach gets up slowly and answers the door. Cops 1-3 enter scene.)

Cop 1: Are you Mr. Tipton?
Zach: Um...yes.
Cop 1: Do you know why we're here today, Mr. Tipton?
Zach: No idea. Adam, have I done anything illegal in the past week?
Adam: Ha...I don't think so.
Cop 2: What did you pay with last night, Mr. Tipton?
Zach: (awake and alert now) Let's see...a fifty and a twenty. Yep. That sounds right.
Cop 1: Did you know that the fifty dollar bill you paid for was counterfeit?
Adam: Are you serious?!
Zach: What?! I had no idea. At all. We paid with the money we were given after the show.
Cop 3: Let us see the money you received then.
Zach: Okay, let me go get it.
(nervously rummages through his backpack)
Cop 2: Are you guys in a rock band or something?
Adam: Yeah, we're going to Las Cruces tomorrow.
Cop 3: What's the name of your band then?
Zach: Young Coyotes. The name of this band is Young Coyotes. (laughs)
Cop 1: This isn't funny.
Zach: No, you're right. It's not.
Cop 3: Do you realize how serious of a situation this is?
Zach: Yes, I do. I think it's a crazy situation though. Sorry.
Adam: (sleepily) I can't believe this.
Cop 2: Sir, put your hands behind your back.
Zach: Adam, quick! Get his gun!
Cop 3: Oh, shit! (Cop 3 gets out his gun but it fumbles in his hand. proceeds to kick it further away each time he bends down.)
Cop 1: Let me help you, Steve! (As Cop 1 bends to help Cop 3, they bump heads and both pass out. Coconut sound optional.)
Zach: Get your hands off of me, pig! (Zach does roundhouse kick to Cop 2's face)
Adam: Fuck you, Pig! (Adam proceeds to grab Cop 2 from the floor and drag him out of the motel room. Zach quickly grabs all of the suitcases in the room and kicks all three cops in various places while exiting. Adam punches Cop 2 in the face, knocking him out cold.)
Zach: Adam! The keys!
(Adam throws keys from second story)
Adam: Quick! Let's get the hell out of here!
Zach: Who's driving?
Adam: I don't know, you wanna drive?
Zach: Not really.
Adam: Let's flip for it.
Zach: Head or tails?
Cop 2: (weak) This is officer...need back...up...now.
Both (Adam and Zach): (Both look at each other) Ah!
(They get into the car and drive into the morning sunrise)




David said...

Cop 2 is my Uncle man.... thats crazy....

krystalbell said...

the vision of you two without shirts totally distracted me from the rest of the story.. ewwwww! haha